Riddle Me This: Shaky Foundations

riddlemethisI approached the seminary season with great hopes of having all of my questions answered.  I ask a lot of questions…so much so that my husband calls me “The Riddler.”  Much to my surprise, my questions would birth new questions, deeper questions…questions that have left me feeling as if the very foundation I am standing on is weak.  Instead of the newfound confidence I craved, both for myself and for my ministry to others, I have been left with newfound insecurities.  I feel like my marriage to Jesus has somehow reverted back to the awkward dating phase, “So…Jesus, tell me about your family.  Your favorite color.  How you grew up…”  It is a bit frightening and I am left vulnerable; vulnerable to answers that I don’t expect, vulnerable to being wrong about something I was so confident in before…vulnerable.

Yet, how would Jesus define my foundation?  Would he define it was “thinking rightly” about him?  In the same way, how does my husband define the foundation of our marriage?  Is it defined as knowing everything about him?  Is there room to “rethink” things I thought I knew about him that end up being wrong?

In Matthew 7, Jesus speaks about our foundation, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.  And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like the foolish man who built his house on the sand.  And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

The variable in this story is the one who either does or does not do the words that he/she hears.  Each one hears, yet the emphasis is  not on “hearing rightly,” the emphasis is on the doing.  I would argue that right hearing leads to right action, and is very important.  If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t subject myself to a grueling 3 year intensive study of the Scriptures.  However, for the sake of today, Jesus equates the one possesses a strong foundation with the one that does the things that he/she hears.

If I equate my foundation with “right thinking,” I am certainly on shaky ground.  This perceived vulnerability has led to a wall in my relationship with Jesus – “If I can’t be sure about you, Jesus, then why should I come to you at all?  Why should I trust you, if I don’t even know if I’m trusting who you really are?”  The one person I can rely on and put full trust in has made me with limitations in my knowledge.  As a result, certain parts of him are veiled, beyond my reach.  He has chosen to reveal himself in time to humans made from the dust, rather than in one moment of full clarity.

The reality is, my foundation in marriage and in relationship to Jesus is seen most clearly in covenant actions – first and foremost, actions or vows made on my behalf.  The very foundation of Christianity is on the actions of God in history.  Jesus not only “thought rightly” about me, but he chose certain actions: humbling himself and taking on the form of human flesh, resisting temptations and dying on my behalf.  He certainly thought well, yet earned his “well done, good and faithful servant…not, “good argument” or “good analytics!,” but “well done” on the basis of his actions.  Because he obeyed the greatest commandment to love God and love neighbor, he stood strong against the most destructive of storms: betrayal, shame and even death itself.

With Jesus as both my foundation and example of true humanity, I build on the foundation of love with which he loved me.  Even in my wrong thinking, he loves me, and beckons me come.  And because he loves me, I know love and am free to love.  He is more concerned about my building on his unshakeable foundation of love – trusting him in the things I do see of him and loving my neighbor in the ways I ought –  than my abstaining from love because I don’t fully know and can’t fully see.  He waits for me to come, to hear, and to respond.

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